So, here I am walking back to my hotel in Hoi An when three Vietnamese guys approach me to ask if they could talk to me for a bit. I am suspicious because I’ve been forewarned about “English practice” narratives being used to scam or pickpocket tourists and 9 pm doesn’t seem like the best time to be having English practice anyway. Noticing my apprehension and desire to escape this situation after a few cursory introduction questions and responses, the seeming “leader” of the group (with the best English) cuts to the chase: “Do you want to go a on a free Vespa tour tomorrow?”
Now my guard is really up.
I smile (because I always smile) and think to myself that I’m surely on the Vietnamese equivalent of Just for Laughs Gags or Candid Camera right now.
“You see,” continues the leader, “I run a Vespa tour company out of Hanoi and I’m trying to expand to Hoi An, but I need to take some people on a sample tour to get some pictures and so I can show my drivers the route.”
“Free? What’s the catch?” I ask, since it seems like we’re going to be frank about the situation.
“Nothing…well you have to agree to be in photographs and be patient with your driver because they don’t speak English that well,” he responds with an overt hopefulness that I will agree to go.
By this point, I’m thinking it could be a cool adventure but I need to do a bit more due diligence so I ask, “how many other people are going?”
“I can take up to 7 people, and so far I have 3- but I’m trying to get a full group,” he responds.
I then ask a whole host of other questions such as whether there are helmets, what his company in Hanoi is called, what time the tour starts, and what happens if/when it rains?
He hands me his business card and answers each question to my satisfaction, but something still feels a bit wrong about this situation. Or maybe I’m being needlessly apprehensive. Either way, I feel I need to buy some time.
“Well, I’m here with a friend,” I say, “and he’s back at the hotel so I need to check with him to see if he wants to go because we had other plans in mind for tomorrow.”
I figure the advantage of this little lie is multi-fold: 1- it tells them that I’m not alone here so they can’t just abandon me out in the countryside expecting no one will notice; 2- it gives me the chance to look in to the legitimacy of his company in Hanoi; and 3- it gives me some time to decide whether I’m crazy to say “yes” or crazy to say “no.”
They agree to let me check with my friend and seem actually excited at the prospect of having one more person join the “tour.”
Once I had done some background research and felt more comfortable with the idea of going on the tour, I contacted the group leader back to say I would join. Unfortunately, “my friend” didn’t want to come. I was told to expect a 7:30 am pick up from my hotel (yeah, they like to start early here!).
The morning for the tour finally arrives and I am up nice and early. I remain a bit guarded but am also open to this being a potentially cool adventure. I head downstairs to have a bit of breakfast before my “Vespa driver-guide” shows up. As I’m finishing up my last bites, the hotel attendant arrives to tell me that my “tour is starting.” I go outside and am greeted professionally–and with a helmet–by my driver for the day. Though he looks 14, he reassures me he has been driving scooters since at least that age. It’s not like it matters, at this point I’m going either way.
My driver takes me to the group meeting spot and a few of the others “participants” are there. The drivers convene to discuss their route. So we, the “foreigners” all group to discuss whether the story we’ve all been told is the same–and on some level must be judging each other (in a good way) for being crazy enough to actually agree to this set up! There are five of us in total, which reassures me that I wasn’t the only one who saw some legitimacy in this operation.
Unlike many vehicle operators here, our drivers seem to actually care about road safety. A trait which helps us all ease in to the tour. Before we know it, it seems like we have all forgotten how sketchy the whole thing sounded and are just enjoying our adventure together.
The morning ends up being a blast and the countryside is beautiful. We pass by buffalo, rice paddies, and river lookouts which is the part of the tour I prefer over the various local “industry” spots including the home of a rice noodle maker and a rug making factory which seem a bit more touristy. One of my favourite sights is a picturesque bamboo bridge helping us cross over shrimp farms. Other than a few rooting issues and the odd mechanical issue–which was easily enough resolved–the tour goes off without a hitch, we are all returned to Hoi An on time, and only one guy had scratch.
I guess the moral of the story is next time someone asks you to go on a free Vespa tour, in a foreign country, late at night…say yes! Ok, so maybe it’s a bit more nuanced than that, but I sure am glad I went.
I end up staying a whole additional week in Hoi An as I fell in love with this seaside ancient town and its charming constituents including the canals, bridges, bikeways, and people (such as the street food vendor, where I ate at least half my meals, who insisted on giving me a gift–a kitchen multi-use tool–on my last evening because he said he would miss me).
Impermanent Establishments 